Coffee's 12 Steps to Total Insanity & Bankruptcy

02 June 2014

In some discussions in the Espresso Enthusiast thread on MacRumors, a friend of mine, mobilehaathi posted this 12-step program as sparked by my other friend Shrink. I thought it was great and had to re-post it here, with permission.

  1. We admitted we were powerless over lethargy—that our lives had become decaffeinated.
  2. We came to believe that a fresher cup of coffee could restore us to sanity.
  3. We made a decision to turn our kitchens and our lives over to the preparation of Coffea arabica.
  4. We made a searching and fearless inventory of the best beans on the planet.
  5. We admitted to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our quest for the God Shot.
  6. We were entirely ready to pull a God Shot, removed of all defects of character.
  7. We humbly asked Shrink to remove our shortcomings.
  8. We made a list of all persons we had harmed by serving instant coffee, and became willing to craft a perfect cup for each one in order to make amends.
  9. We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would require meeting at a Starbucks.
  10. We continued to pull practice shots, and when they were under-extracted, promptly admitted it.
  11. We sought through study and meditation to improve our conscious contact with a God Shot, seeking only for knowledge of its creation and the power to regularly pull one.
  12. Having had a caffeinated awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to the decaffeinated, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Download the pdf version with pictures here.